OK time to vent! being sick all the time is most likely the shittiest thing ever. especially with what i have because i get nothing but crap from most people except my partner and the docs. I have chronic severe rhumeatoid arthritis, I'm 32, just the right age for my prime to kick in. every day i watch my body slowly and PAINFULLY deform a little bit more. not to mention the stupid medications that only make things worse. biologic injections, steroids, percoset. stop the world and let me off already. most people don't understand what the disease actually is. they think it is just an old person achy painy thing. it is a severely overactive immune system the exact opposite of aids. my whole everything has changed, and now I'm looking at a knee surgery that may or may not help me at all. not to mention my hands fingers and forearms are so weak now. what happened to me? i cant think clearly half the time. either blinded by pain or knocked out by meds. somehow my son is still just as amazing as ever. receiving a scholarship for singing and performance, ( he is 10), and continually being on the honor roll at school. but i know this affects him too. everyone making allowances for my mood, or how I'm feeling, i know they try to help but it just makes me feel useless and old. and not to mention my health nut mother, she is 67 and looks 20 runs every day , doesn't eat salt or sugar, as if this disease wasn't nightmare enough , she thinks that i caused it myself somehow. i wonder how that explains the babies i have seen at my rhumeatologist that have the same thing, must have had terrible eating habits in the womb eh? I'm scared of what is coming, i don't want it. i don't want my boyfriend to always have to carry everything, though he does it willingly and wants to help me. how would it feel to have a sick partner all the time? and always be the one who isn't sick? i hate this. today was a bad day. i don't have any other friends really, or know anybody else. I'm a hermit now out in the boonies. don't get me wrong i love it. i just feel useless. thanks alot grandpa! I'm kickin your ass when i get up there.