recent murder in my city

First of all im so glad i dont live in the city anymore. its a shithole. people are mean and cold. recently there was a brutal murder in the city. a little tiny phillipino woman on her way home from work, got attacked by some jack the ripper freak, and brutally murdered two blocks from her house, three blocks from a cop shop. where the hell were they? not to mention the way this poor woman was killed would have required some MAJOR screaming, and what, nobody heard anything? as if! my guess is that everyone heard her screaming and chose to do nothing. nice. im sickened by humanity more and more every day. it ended up being some 21 year old pshyco who likes to torture people. i have been thinking about her alot and wish that i could have helped her at the point where she would still be alive and able to be with her 5 sons. i hope that wherever she is , she can let go of guilt, and feel happy and free. seriously people are sick, the only people that i think are " NON PEOPLE" are out of my reach for friendship or anything like that, but i can pick them out thats for sure. way to go humanity, way to go media for training us how to think and telling us what to do, and telling us how to live our lives. i live my life for me. no longer influenced by media of any kind not even radio. you would be amazed at what happens when you cut that useless shit out. i only put happy stuff and thing s that make me laugh in this brain of mine when it comes to media and entertainment. a wise note that most people should try as well, however im sure most of you are much too busy going out and buying the latest thing you saw on tv. or celebrating some useless human custom because you have too. have fun with that.

why do cops suck so much?

i decided to skim over the last topic, and go straight to the one that grinds me pretty much all the time. Police. I am not going to make any apologies for what i say here, mainly because its the truth. Here is my why i hate police story. aside from being needlessley intimidating all the time, treating everyone like criminals, as ifTHEY are made of platnium or something. We moved to a rural area a few years back, with a sleepy little town nearby. New in town, people notice you....for a WHILE. I guess the piggys do too. I got pulled over one night picking up my partner from work, actually the RC waited until i went to hi ho, got a slurpee for me and my son, and pulled around to get into the next lot where my boyfriends work was. so lights sirens the whole shibang, i get my liscence out and the insurance and reg thingy, and he asks me to get out of the truck. ( old crappy crappy lookin truck), so i get out, tell my son that its all ok and not to worry, anyway he is crying already. so i go behind truck and he is standing there all arms crossed in front of him, almost sexually playing with his big flashlight, which he quickly procedded to shine right in my eyes. he asks me for my info and name and story, and i go get my boyfriend, when he finally decides to let me. he lets us go with a stern warning, and we had to bring in some paperwork that was not quite right. so anyways off we go. the next night when we had TIME to go to the cop shop , there was a check stop in town, ( funny it was the only one i have ever seen or heard of in this town before or since then)., he asks us why we didnt come in the hext morning, and we tell him that amazingly enough we work! and that kinda needs to come first, but then presented him with the paperwork he needed. he seeming almost disapointed took it and told me that i had tickets, and a expired liscence. so i had better look after that. after going to get my court papers from the station, oh and side note while i was at the station the desk cop decided to intimidate me too by telling me that he could throw me away in city jail for not picking up my forms on time, so i get my papers to go to court. my boyfriend is out the next day and he got pulled over from the same cop this whole time, except ooops the cop thought it might have been me, and he told him that if i didnt look after this , they could take my son away. nice.so a while later on my way to work ( legion bartender) he pulls me over yet again, this time boxing me in at the hi ho parking lot, and hooray !!! my new landlord pulls right up beside me. and of course im late for work too. he says to me did you look after those papers? and i said yes i did and i have them right here, i reach for my purse and he says oh no , i dont need to see them, he looks at my chest obviously and sees my legion patch thingy, and says oh you work at the legion now? how is that going?, im thinking uhhhhhhhhhhhhh what the hell dude your lights are STILL flashing and you wanna chat with me? by force?, he goes on to say, so what are your hours like? are you off late late? im like k i gotta go to work , hahah so i race into hi ho, get my stuff, come out and my land lord is waiting for me rolling down the window all upset in her shiny new lexus space ship. then i had to tell her and downplay it all so i still had a roof which i couldnt pay for anyway, and i get to work half an hour late to open the bar, which the old farmers DO NOT LIKE, i think the razzing finally stopped three months later. almost got canned. even a few years later my ex husband got pulled over by the same RC, he looks at his liscence and asks him if he knows ME!!! like is that even legal?? anyways i payed off all my stuff finally and i just try to keep away from town, too scary, im totally freaked since all this stuff, and i dont even have a reason to be. that should be against the law, some kind of brainwashing abuse stuff, regular joe's get put away for that kind of thing, but not the sparkly plump apply cheeked police force. wonder if the big boss's know that i saw officer blockhead leaving the crack house in town doing up his belt on the porch? . i dont believe in any of the way the justice system "WORKS" seems to me that more often then not, there giant ego's and small dicks are at war all the time, fallout of that being all over you and me.

the point of the previous ramble

I have a major beef with the health care system in canada. and not to mention the billion dollar boys club, or in other words the one and only rhumeatology department we have. if it wasnt for them , and there outrageous mistakes, and the terrible care i have gotten i would not be deteriorating like this. and right now i dont have all my points in a row so im going to come back at this next post refreshed. off to bed.

OK time to vent! being sick all the time is most likely the shittiest thing ever. especially with what i have because i get nothing but crap from most people except my partner and the docs. I have chronic severe rhumeatoid arthritis, I'm 32, just the right age for my prime to kick in. every day i watch my body slowly and PAINFULLY deform a little bit more. not to mention the stupid medications that only make things worse. biologic injections, steroids, percoset. stop the world and let me off already. most people don't understand what the disease actually is. they think it is just an old person achy painy thing. it is a severely overactive immune system the exact opposite of aids. my whole everything has changed, and now I'm looking at a knee surgery that may or may not help me at all. not to mention my hands fingers and forearms are so weak now. what happened to me? i cant think clearly half the time. either blinded by pain or knocked out by meds. somehow my son is still just as amazing as ever. receiving a scholarship for singing and performance, ( he is 10), and continually being on the honor roll at school. but i know this affects him too. everyone making allowances for my mood, or how I'm feeling, i know they try to help but it just makes me feel useless and old. and not to mention my health nut mother, she is 67 and looks 20 runs every day , doesn't eat salt or sugar, as if this disease wasn't nightmare enough , she thinks that i caused it myself somehow. i wonder how that explains the babies i have seen at my rhumeatologist that have the same thing, must have had terrible eating habits in the womb eh? I'm scared of what is coming, i don't want it. i don't want my boyfriend to always have to carry everything, though he does it willingly and wants to help me. how would it feel to have a sick partner all the time? and always be the one who isn't sick? i hate this. today was a bad day. i don't have any other friends really, or know anybody else. I'm a hermit now out in the boonies. don't get me wrong i love it. i just feel useless. thanks alot grandpa! I'm kickin your ass when i get up there.

Good morning whoever! this is a crappy morning for me, since Ive been sick mornings are kind of hard. but whatever am I'm not going to whine like all the cattle i see milling around town. and i am told i have reason to. i don't know all i know is that it sucks, and i either deal with it and still function , or i hide in my blankets all day and don't do anything at all. So this morning has got me thinking about e-mails, and how crappy all us "GROWN UPS" are at returning them . i think we have all taught each other some bad lessons here people. it seems that everyone loves to be so busy, loves to have stuff, and be busy trying to get all this "STUFF", you know what i mean. One question, can you take it with you? any of it? so in the meantime while you are trying to get all these things, your family falls apart, and still it doesn't matter. Do you have licence to grieve when you loose someone, if you have not payed attention to them at all in this life? i guess being busy, and planning for tomorrow and next week and next year matters more, even though those times do not even exist yet, all you have is the last few seconds. what did you do with them? did you yell at your kids this morning? and if so, how do you think there day is going to go? did you treat your partner like poop? and if you did, are you happy with that possibly being that last memory you have of these people? I'm not perfect i struggle with this stuff too. but i REMIND myself constantly , when my son gets on the school bus this morning, this may be his last day, i have no control over it, when my sweetheart leaves, he may never come back. are you too scared to think about that?. if so then maybe its time you did. and send and e-mail back , you know that someone has gotten lost in the shuffle. be good to your family, you have no right to whine if they are gone for good, and all this life time you were more concerned about how much money your going to make this week. k well that's all for right now. more later.

not sure where to start

I purposely did not read alot of information about blogging, i just figured wingin it would be more interesting. And it was not exactly my idea to do this at all, my friend said that she wanted to do one for herself , and i just decided to jump on her bandwagon i guess. I dont know what to start with so ill just start with right now. It's very snowy outside right now and also very cold, on the way to HI-HO i almost ran out of gas but after sitting for a few minutes the truck decided to go. and im glad it would have been a long crappy cold walk to town, not to mention, bears, cougars, and local weirdo's. the snow is kinda nice, fluffy , drifty, pleasent. more later.

This is the first day of my first ever blog, not much to say right now, but believe me ill probubly bore you with all i do have to say if anyone even reads this. more later.